It's not for lack of desire, or need to express and I'll never use time as an excuse for my absence on these pages. It has more to do with a lack of clarity, vision and quite simply a timeout.
A timeout that went a little too long, that got a little too lost, that didn't think enough about the connections lost, and those not made during the timeout. My sweet husband even missed reading it, and for better or worse he is privy to most of my ideas, dreams and thoughts!
During my timeout from ich Kalliope, a lot was going on in our non-virtual life. A major decision to leave the beauty and familiarity of the Pacific Northwest for a new adventure on the other side of this beautiful country, Boston. Driven by a deep desire to get closer to family, to a bigger city, and to new adventures.
You all know I'm all about change right? Well... actually... maybe... not so much! Partings are not so easy for this Kalliope. They never have been. I never wanted to leave home and I still don't. I didn't want to go into the second grade, because I liked the first grade (((( my mom helped me then, and she's helping me now )))). I'm the middle age woman who gets weepy before a business trip... because I would prefer to stay home (((( until I get to where I'm going )))). But as you know, I did make it to the second grade, and on those amazingly, fantastic trips and am blessed with family, friends and experiences that connect and ground me everyday. All because of change. All because of not getting stuck.
This time around, I got stuck, big time. Fear of change was winning, and as plans proceeded, and moving companies provided estimates, and dates confirmed I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Clicking my heels, saying there's no place like home, there's no place like home... and wishing to stop all the change or the impending partings (((( let me stay in the first grade ))))!
But yesterday, in the midst of clouds (((( on a rare sunny day in Portland )))), there came another kind of parting. One that brought clarity to one stuck Kalliope. My patient husband reminded me of our mantra, "home is where WE are". We like to shake things up, to explore, to experience, and we like to plant roots. That's what we've done and what we'll do again, together.
And just as I was quoting a dear friend, he called. An intervention, I am certain of that. My husband was witness, and boy was he relieved it came! He needed some backup, some support! Sensing the "stuck" in me, he reminded me of what it meant to keep changing, to write new chapters and not to stop. Bless his direct NYC heart, he also told me he wouldn't want to be my friend if I ever "settled down"! I am in wonder of the timing of his call, and am so very grateful for it.
Partings. They are sweet sorrow. They are beautiful. They are scary. They are change. They are clarity. They are new perspectives. They are life.